She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
