It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
