JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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