I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
