I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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