I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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