Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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