Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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