you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
even my farts smell like vagina
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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