So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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