he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
