dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
