Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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