I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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