im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize