If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
