she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
