You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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