They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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