Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
