you guys were way drunker than both of me
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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