Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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