I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just cropdusted the office
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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