im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
The power of my boobs compel you
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize