I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
