Why are handjobs necessary in class?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
