I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
