Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
