I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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