I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
