Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
