census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
