Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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