he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
