I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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