I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
