and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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