so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
