And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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