How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize