I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
