I should be sponsored by Trojan
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
the day after is always just damage control
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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