I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
