And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
