I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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