I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
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