My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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