I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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