pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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