I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
