The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
