sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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