This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
