Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
