Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
