He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
two words...techno handjob
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
