I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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