mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
