Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
