I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize