I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
We have started to decorate penises.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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