I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
