yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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