Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
