First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
