the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
