Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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