I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
